Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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