Welp...herpes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
