I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
