I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
