apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
