I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
