Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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