Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
