i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
