Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
