somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
