i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
