I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
