Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
