5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the day after is always just damage control
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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