Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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