I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
