i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
