i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
