You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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