i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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