dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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