she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
