oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
