well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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