I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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