How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
