Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
