Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
