and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
