I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Less talking, more tequila
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
