Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Boobs are out for the taking
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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