Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
