that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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