There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
