We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
