She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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