Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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