he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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