i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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