totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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