She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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