im drinking this country out of the recession.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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