Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
