so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
