Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
