last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
