Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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