"it" just moved
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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