Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
