I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
