how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
